


Clown Republic

by Sugarino



Series: Expanded Universe [21]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: New Jedi Order Series - Various Authors, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Alternative Perspective, Backstory, Christianity, Commentary, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dubious Morality, Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, Gen, Grey Morallity, Moral Ambiguity, Pro-Empire, Racism, Religion, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 17:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18674116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarino/pseuds/Sugarino
Summary: A clown world to a clown galaxy.





	Clown Republic

**Author's Note:**

> This one made by my gf. Love you honey.

Clown Republic

The TIMS Sidious was an old Victory 1-Class Star Destroyer which was declared unfit for direct combat use after the Third War for Terra. Instead of scrapping it, the Navy refitted the Sidious for non combat purposes as an information reception vessel. The Sidious would be parked just outside of New Republic's borders to monitor any civilian or government media. The Sidious had capabilities to crack the encryptions found in the advanced New Republic technology, and was able to monitor the primitive communications equipment that the New Republic was using from Terra. Radio waves, television and holovision broadcasts, the internet, emails, holotapes, telephones, holophones, the Sidious could monitor anything without the New Republic knowing a thing.

This day was the first field operation of the Sidious. The Sidious was parked right along the border, close to the refueling and resupply station of Borosk. The two main operators of the communications equipment were from Terra. The first one was a Hungarian girl named Elizabeta Héderváry. The second was a Japanese boy named Honda Kiku. Their main job was to keep the software and hardware on board the Sidious operating. The data would be collected and then sent along to various military and government organizations within the Empire. In the meantime, the duo had authorization to inspect any data they deemed important. This meant they could spend hours upon hours laughing at whatever stupid shit the New Republic said or did.

"Hahahaha! Honda, are you zeeing zhis!?",

The Hungarian girl bellowed out while watching a video of some of cult called "The Faithful" the Christian sect by the looks of it, holding a protest against women wearing pants. The Christians were all Male of course. Some were le 56% faced mulattos or Niggers. Others were pimple faced four eyed nerds. They each wore suits and red sashes, with a few wearing fedoras. When this galaxy had landed on the now re-named Terra, Terran culture had influenced both galactic governments... for better or worse. Some of this culture would sometimes end up in the Empire, mostly concepts like anime, hentai, and what some would call hedonist views. Other times, well you got this. The state atheism practiced by the Empire which tended to ban, persecute, and criminalize those faiths seen as a danger to the state, as well as the fact the Empire was tied still to the Sith who practiced the "dark side" did nothing to win over the major religions of Terra. As such when the New Republic and their Jedi order liberated the planet and briefly kicked off the Imperials and restored religious freedom they were seen as heroes and to the more fanatical religious leaders, seen as angels or warriors of God. The end result is a lot of them gained influence in the New Republic, especially with how loyal to the Jedi and Republic they came and out of the Republic's commitment to freedom of religion due to their own repression under Palpatine's Empire and its policy. For better or worse Evangelicals of all stripes due to this, were allowed to roam freely in this galaxy now that had not quite seen a religious fervor like this. Elizabeta took a bite of her kürtőskalács,

"Zhey just called zhe police on zomevone for looking at zhem veird! Haha!".

Honda was less enthusiastic about the video feed,

"Erizabeta-san, don't you think it is kind of sad how these peoperr can burry others so easiry?"

The reserved Japanese man inquired. Elizabeta refocused to Honda,

"Vell sure, but it doesn't mean you can't laugh at zhe absurdity of zhe situation."

The Morality Police came on the screen and started hitting the unfortunate soul with cattle prods as the Christians started shouting 'oppressor!'over and over again. Elizabeta swallowed her treat before speaking again,

"I mean, it is like zomesing you vould encounter in an old comedy back home."

Honda looked down, "

That could have been us if we had not won the war… I am not asking for total stoicism, just some empathy."

Honda stated. Elizabeta huffed,

"Fine, vatever."

Before changing the channel to something else.

The new broadcast was from a commercial channel. The New Republic, like the old societies on Terra and again perhaps due to the influence of these Terra immigrants now, plastered ads anywhere they could fit them. They had special channels solely dedicated to advertising goods and services. This one such channel featured an ad for faith healing products. The snake oil salesman on the screen was an old hag with tits that sagged to her hips and hair as white as a Stormtrooper's armor. She was pedaling a concoction of heavily diluted tea, raw milk, and so called holy water which she promised could cure anything from Autism to Cancer. It was nearly 80 credits a bottle, 30 credits less than the placebos Republican doctors sold. If you wanted to get actual medicine for things as mundane as a fever or aches, it could cost up to 200 credits per dose. People could easily wind up in workhouses doing long arduous work for a meal and a bed, simply because they fell ill and could not afford living.

"Isn't it a tragedy how zhey need to rely on stuff like zhis Honda?"

Elizabeta asked. Honda looked at her,

"Hai, medicine is too expensive for a rot of them... So much for their free market."

The Japanese man punctuated. Honda looked away from the monitor to another thing, the websearch tracker. This device was meant to monitor what the New Republic's citizens were searching for, just like the New Republic did. The only difference was that Kiku's model was much more powerful. His search tracker could monitor both the censored internet the New Republic's citizens were meant to access, and the secret parts of the net which the government could not see. Tons of results were coming through for the popular Imperial Government run website 'Kinkport.net '. The New Republic's citizens had a highly unusual hololnet search history, posting Christian minion memes on Facebook and then searching for 'Big Tit Japanese Slave Has Threesome With White Shota and Filipino Witch'. Honda had to roll his eyes at just how two faced the New Republic was. Honda spoke,

"On the surface the New Repubric is horyer than thou and uppity. But in secret when no one is rooking, they are just as firthy and degenerate as they accuse us of being.".

Elizabeta shrugged in response,

"Typical of any ractionary, ve hear family values from zheir mouths but see lust in zheir hearts.".

Elizabeta focused herself on the text interceptor. The device intercepted any message made over a text based format. Public posts and DMs flooded in by the thousands. Out of curiosity Elizabeta opened up one from the Magical Girl Marty image board, a government created image board dedicated to Crown Princess Marvy and her adoring army of fans. The message was from user KKK-Kaiya and it's title was simply 'Help'. Elizabeta opened it up. It was from a girl on the swamp planet Mimban. Elizabeta knew about this planet. Mimban was a slave colony owned by the Maskashj Mining Company, it was a swamp planet which was valuable due to the fact that it helped supply raw materials for lightsaber production. The girl was named Kaiya, she lived in the main population center of Centralia. She was transgender and was about to be shipped off to the planet's 'therapy council', a laughable euphemism for the morality prisons that the New Republic shipped LGBT people to. Kaiya asked anyone who was listening to please come and save her. Elizabeta began tearing up, Honda looked over to see what she was looking at. Elizabeta spoke up,

"V-vat if ve lost back on Terra..? Zhis could have been you.. Ludvig, Alfred.. Little Veli!"

Elizabeta began to break down thinking about Feliciano. He was still her little boy in her mind, even if he hadn't lived with her and Roderich for centuries now. She could not bare to imagine what those sick Jedi would do to such a feminine boy like him if he was ever captured. Honda did not know what to do besides reassure the Hungarian girl in front of him, and quickly send this message to the Imperial Office for Recovery and Rescue.


End file.
